When the Struggle is a Struggle

I can guarantee that any creative individual will be able to relate to this post, plus people who suffer from anything that makes them suffer with just getting on with the day. I used to sit around procrastinating, just looking at the things I should be doing and the things that I want to be doing…but hold up that last part? People don’t generally procrastinate over the things that they genuinely want to do. So am I really procrastinating all of the time?

Recently I have felt this again. As the weather changes and I feel the impending weight of all of the things that I need to be doing alongside the things that I want to do and I have to make a decision over what takes priority. There are hundreds of things that I want to make, I do want to do my dissertation, I want to practice dance and I want to sort the house out, I also want to earn money and get my debts paid off but I struggle to dedicate one whole day to any of these things. I don’t struggle in the sense that I am unable to schedule a plan, but I am forced to spread the weight of my tasks as I have to fit it around employment. I am only in said employment to sort out my finances, one day it will be set aside so for now it really is an inevitable evil and I am really struggling with this right now. I spend around 45 minutes travelling for a 3 hours long shift in an evening and I have gotten to the stage where I am finding it difficult to motivate myself before work. I resent one thing, one small yet important thing that I have to do, impede on the rest of my tasks, tasks that I fully enjoy.

So I am struggling with the struggle. I am struggling to function around what is already difficult. All that a creative person wants to do is dedicate quality time to their art, to be able to fully enjoy it. I don’t want to be spending a couple of hours here and there in between things. I want to go to my office with cups of tea and coffee for 12 hour stints and come out with great products and love what I have achieved with my day! I understand why people give everything up to dedicate themselves and I would, if I didn’t have a few thousand pound’s worth of debt, I would give over all of my time to creativity. I cannot wait until the day that I can.

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