How It Feels To Be Slut Shamed

I have sat on the outside of this whole debacle for quite some time now, not really understanding what people are doing; why people boast about getting their clothes off, how many people they have slept with, how they rave on about their own body and sexuality. For me, if someone asks about it or it is a part of a conversation then yes I will talk about it, but it is not something I would ever use, wave it all out there in some hope to attract some attention. I don’t see it as people being comfortable, I see it as people wanting a reaction and often the reaction is negative. Recently it has gone the other way, the whole “you go girl!” mentality has formed which seems to have brought it all to a 180 and now people seem to be encouraging each other. There is a fine line between support and egging on, a fine one but there is a line all the same.

I never thought adversely to strippers, porn stars or anyone in that industry what so ever, I have always thought negatively towards people I know acting out of character, knowing that they are trying to prove something. Telling everybody how they have gone through a string of bastards who only saw them for the flesh that they put on the internet or out in the clubs…excuse my black and white vision on things, but if that is what you are going to do then expect that behaviour. There are people out there who will give you the time of day as well as appreciate your body, it’s all about timing and placement and it is never easy. You can’t show yourself off and say you’re a nice person and demand that people should just trust that, as humans we are mostly precious about who we let in to our lives, the more you push your behaviour and try and prove something the more people may back away. I can proudly say that you can “put yourself out there” for example on the internet and still find something amazing, that is down to the two people involved. I was never going to give up dancing in my underwear or being on Xtreme Playpen for anyone, I enjoy it a lot and it earns me some money, just like our jobs should, so to find someone on a similar intellectual level as me but also really accepting of what I do was one of the best things to have ever happened to me. To have the support of someone, someone to go home to that appreciates every bit of you and not just your body after spending a day being sent dick pics or whatever the day had in store is the best rest bite for someone like me. But I never asked for it, I never begged, I never moaned about it on Facebook, I just went about life and my future came to me.

Today I had a stranger comment on one of my Vine videos. I work extremely hard to promote myself through social media, it is the way the business works. This unknown person said that I was really putting myself out there and “shame on you”, this video was me in a bra and stockings, sat down, kicking my leg up in the air and taking off a boot. Yes, this is hilarious that someone made such a comment on something that is actually pretty innocent, but I don’t want someone trying to make me feel ashamed of what I do. I am not ashamed of my body, I love my body, I work hard for it because I love to work hard. I am not ashamed of what I do either, I am not ashamed about how I move or how some people feel when they look at me when I am dancing or taking my clothes off. Another closed minded older individual commented on a photo on my Facebook page saying “shame about the disfigurements”, a wholly awful comment. I have tattoos and piercings yes, I have stunning tattoos and I wouldn’t even call someone who had been brutally hit by a car “disfigured” it is a disgusting and ugly word. It makes me a better person to know that is not a word to stick on somebody. I deleted his comment but I regret deleting it as on that photo I had many likes and comments and I knew that my fans would have torn him apart. I was just so affronted by what he has said I just wanted to get rid of it.

Whether someone is doing something to get attention in the wrong way or whether they are showing a bit of skin for their job, either way it feels degrading to be slut or body shamed. It may only be a temporary degradation as the comment is being read or the words are being heard but it still hurts because nobody gave you the right to have an opinion on my body. I still do not understand how people repeatedly get themselves in to trouble with the opposite or the same sex because of their behaviour, I don’t understand how people cannot see where they might be slightly inappropriate. My job gives an idea to people and I would never lead anyone on; people are generally aware that if they are going to a website to look at a woman that they are usually unattainable. What I do isn’t asking for a man or a woman at all and if someone asks if I have a boyfriend, I say yes, I don’t hide that fact for fear it may lose me a bit of money. If someone says that they would pay to meet me and have sex I will tell them that’s illegal and block them, I have a line and that line makes me a more comfortable and a happier person with the work I do. I do encourage other people to do the same. The look of desperation and crying out for attention or love is not asking the universe to send something good your way, it will send something but it probably isn’t what you are asking for.

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